Divine Spirit

One of the hardest things that I have found to write about is my connection with my divine spirit, which I call God. It is such a personal journey, both blessed and amazing. I call this spirit “My God, Him or He” because I need to have a visual to connect with. I read and study the Bible; that’s my way. I also read, study and listen to the many other ways that people connect to their divine and I embrace how God presents Himself to different people in different ways so that they can connect to their very personal spirit within.

For me turning to the divine spirit within is turning to Someone besides another human who holds me accountable for my actions. He is Someone who is always there to talk to and Someone who always loves me and gives me guidance.

One of my favorite sayings is “BELIEVE! Everything happens for a reason.” The problem is that I don’t always understand the reason. So it is my responsibility to turn to My God, no matter what the reason is, and to ask Him for strength to get through what’s happening.

I didn’t always feel this way and it took my sobriety to change my way of thinking. As a kid I was introduced to the Bible and to church, but I never opened my heart, mind and soul to Him. I’d ask for help whenever I needed it, but I’d never say thank you when my life was going well.

As the fog cleared from my head and I was able to listen, meditate and study, I realized that My God was always with me. I just wasn’t always with Him. I was not living a life that I was proud of, but instead of blaming myself, I blamed God. How could you let my life get so out of control? If you truly loved me, you wouldn’t have made me an alcoholic. How easy it was to blame Him for all the shit in my life. Instead I never made myself accountable for my actions. It was never my fault.

Today I know that I am not his puppet and that I made the choices that led me down the road to becoming an alcoholic. He gave me many taps and then nudges, pushes and shoves. Then He finally threw me onto the ground so that I had to ask for help to get up. I had to admit that I couldn’t do it on my own.

Asking for His help, and trusting in what my intuition (divine spirit) was telling me to do next, was not an easy task. I didn’t jump right up and happily skip down the road to recovery. I took a few baby steps and tested the way; then took a few more, until I was out of the hole and onto solid ground.

My journey — my life — is full of ups and downs, cracks and holes, but it’s my journey with God always at my side. I pray for guidance and I do my best to live up to a set of high standards and to be accountable for my actions. I will never be perfect, nor will my life ever be perfect. My job is to keep searching for ways to be a better human being, to live in grace, and to love others as I want to be loved.

I am grateful to have found my divine spirit within, My God. He is my steady companion, always present to talk with, to discuss options, to confess to, to ask for forgiveness and direction. Whatever comes my way, I can choose to seek His guidance. My hope is that my journey will inspire others to see the possibility to connect to the divine spirit within themselves. And that their hearts, minds and souls will find comfort In their personal God.