Recently I was in a conversation with a woman about what’s been going on in our lives. She mentioned that she’s been thinking about not drinking anymore and wondering how that decision might affect her life. One reason she’s hesitant is that she’s afraid that if she stops drinking, her personality will change.
Her life isn’t a train wreck (yet), but alcohol is a part of her day-to-day lifestyle. She is lucky that trouble hasn’t caught up with her yet, but her health does have her concerned. As we were discussing the how’s and when’s of her drinking, she had an interesting point of view as to why she was afraid to stop. She likes who she is. Her fear is that she would not be fun to be around anymore. She wonders, would her core personality change?
That one got me thinking. Has my personality changed that much because I don’t have a drink in my hand? In pondering that I came to the conclusion that my core personality hasn’t changed at all; but how I think, feel and behave has changed. Today I care more about who I am and how I live my life — in truth, honesty and kindness.
It still amazes me when I look back at who I was trying to be compared who I am today. When I started my coaching program 2 years ago, I took a personality test. Nothing felt right about the results. I kept thinking, no, that’s not me. Later during my time in the coaching program, I retook the test and everything had changed. I realized that the first time I took the test I answered all the questions according to who I was portraying myself to be in the world. The second time around I answered the questions by who I am to myself.
I see now that my values as a person have stayed true. I was forced to look at how alcohol was diminishing who I am at the core? What makes me, me? Looking back I see it as crazy how much I used alcohol to change how I behaved. The more uncomfortable I felt about my actions, the more I drank to allow myself to accept it. I’m not sure if it was to fit in or to be who I thought I wanted to be. Either way, by stepping into my own self-discovery, I figure out more every day what makes me, me. I am who I was all along, but the real me was lost while I filled my body with poison.
So don’t hesitate to sober up, because your personality will only shine through even more. As I go forward in my life, I will continue to work on discovering and honoring what’s true to my heart and soul. Our horses help me tap into my truth. All I have to do is ask them, and they show me the answer. My job is to listen.
